4 years later...and i'm back!

 

Hello!

Hi. It's been a while...a whole year actually...and basically four years since I consistently posted on my blog.

I started my blog 9 (NINE!) years ago, and documented my way through post-college life, figuring out my personal style, getting in to and starting medical school, break ups, new relationships, daily outfit posts, getting married, buying a house, and getting into residency. But then residency, and the 80 hour work weeks where I wore scrubs 100% of the time started...and blogging just stopped. I was just too tired, and felt I had nothing left to give. And as a style blog, wearing scrubs all the time isn't conducive to a blog that is about buying and wearing clothes. Oh, and then I got pregnant and then really had no time or energy left. 

But here we are, on the other side. I completed my ObGyn residency, moved to Rochester NY with my husband and now two babies. I took 3.5 months off before I start my "real" job and am starting over in so many ways. Here are a few of the things going on: 

• Closet updates. I have hardly purchased any clothing in 4 years, and as now a 33 year old mother of two, I feel I have nothing to wear. I only have a few casual items, the majority are business casual items that may or may not fit me anymore. I'm still dressing very millennial, with my skinny jeans and flats and flowy tops, and honestly that's probably not going to change...I shouldn't be dressing like I'm 17 because I am not 17. But I do want to update a few things so they fit my new life and new body. I've carried, birthed, and fed/am feeding two young children...in 2.5 years. I'm actually about the same size I was before, but everything just fits a bit different now and that also plays a role in how I feel in my old clothes. I also am nursing, and that limits what I can wear too. So I'm buying some new items (hellllllo, new jeans! and loose pretty tops), and will share my thoughts here. Review posts were always my most popular, and I think we can learn together about finding clothes that fit our bodies, lifestyles, and personal style. 
• Home decor. We sold our first home, and are deep in painting and updating our new home! The housing market is insanity but we got so so lucky, and found the perfect house for us to raise our babies in. So I'm excited to share where we started, what our inspiration is, and how we are making it our own. Definitely taking it slow as I want to live here for a bit while trying to see how new pieces could fit into our space, and I also want to find a good balance between new items, and thrifted or upcycling used items. So maybe some interesting DIY posts coming your way. 
• Babies. Parenting has been a wild ride so far. Penny just turned two, and Theo is 3 months old. We have learned a ton over the past two years, but every day is like a new adventure. Excited to keep sharing some of our favorite items, asking for your advice, and just trying to raise kids who don't turn out to be a-holes (truly my biggest motivator). 

Parenting and medicine bring me a lot of joy and fulfillment, but they also take up all of my time that I feel I have very little that is "mine" anymore...and that's why I want to get back in to blogging. For fun. For learning. For myself. I think probably many of you reading can relate - whether it's an all consuming job, family, or responsibility, it's nice to have something that is just "yours". 

So welcome back. I'm so glad we are here. 

i'm back!

Hi guys!

It's been a hot second...or 14 months.

It's been a fun-filled, love filled, work filled, and surprising few years around here. I'm now a third year resident! I know. And I'm a mother...I KNOW. I was already a wife, but I feel I barely talked about that since I basically fell off the blogging planet shortly after our wedding.

So I'm basically the same but also so different.

Over the past year, I've dedicated all of myself to other things - my job, my family, my baby. I have found no greater joy in life than raising my sweet child, but you guys...it's a lot. From carrying her for 38.5 weeks to pushing for 2.5 hours to nursing her around the clock, to now just running around so I can spend the absolute most time with her, I feel guilty for the small things I do for myself...washing my hair, occasionally getting my nails done, eating dinner with my husband while not holding her because I just want her to feel so much love. Between that, and all of the emotions that come with my job (which deserves more than half a sentence throw away but also not a lot I can talk about) I feel like I've lost a bit of myself in everything else.

Blogging was always a thing that was just mine. I could talk about whatever superficial or deep stuff I wanted, it was something that no one told me what to do or how to do it, and it was a way to stay connected with all of you girls, who have been such a source of friendship, guidance, and encouragement for the past seven years.

my top // Penny's swaddle

So I'm going to get back into it. It won't and can't be how it used to be. Full outfit posts several times a week will probably likely never happen again. I wear scrubs all day (almost) every day, so those will be a once in a while thing. It'll more likely be some mirror pics or quick snaps I force my husband take on our way to Target to pick up dog food. Review posts will continue - I really enjoy learning about myself and my style through taking pictures and writing, and from all of your feedback, it sounds like you guys like them too. I love sharing what I've found online - I'm currently waiting for this quarter zip from Amazon to show up to see how it compares to my favorite LL Bean zip up (look at me, planning posts ahead!). Weekly Top Three posts, which were my favorite to write, are also the most time consuming, so those will likely become maybe a monthly post - a way to share what I've found and learned and read about it, without the pressure of spending 4 hours on a Saturday writing them. Makeup and skin posts will definitely be included, as those topics have always interested me! And posts about motherhood will definitely be included, as so much of my life revolves around my little squish.

I'm excited to be back, and see where this new season in life takes us!

real tips & tricks for growing and improving your blog

I think the most common question bloggers receive is "how do I grow my own blog?", and to be honest, that's a really difficult question to answer just because there isn't any one thing that bloggers are doing to grow their "brand" (don't you hate that phrase? me too). You'll get answers like "be consistent", "connect with your audience",  or "improve your site", but those are fairly vague and hard to implement. I've been blogging for over four years now, and while I never had a time where my blog really blew up, I've been growing very steadily over these years. I make more than a full time salary by blogging on the side, and have found certain things that have really improved my blog all around. Here are the things I've learned and implemented along the way.

being an average sized girl in a non-average sized online world

"Since you're an unconventional size in blogging, where do you find the confidence to post your outfits online?"

"I'm so glad you're not a twig!"

"She most definitely is not a size 8. I'm a size 8, and no way do my thighs look that big"

"She looks nice, despite that she's large"

These are all comments I've received or read over the last few months.

Some of you may have found my blog through a reddit thread looking for not skinny and not plus-sized bloggers - it's one of my highest referring sites since I started this blog almost four years ago. If you read through those comments, you may notice that there aren't a lot blogs with larger followings written by an average sized girl - girls size 6-14 who aren't basically fashion models, and aren't plus sized either. The in-betweeners is what a recent article called us.

I bet you could name ten bloggers off the top of your head who are a size 00-2, or who identify themselves as being plus sized. Both these categories in fashion and fashion blogging are popular, for different reasons.

On the one hand you have the model-sized girls. The ladies who look good in everything, the ones who get dozens of #goals comments every time they instagram their thigh gap, and the ones who sell off the shoulder top after off the shoulder top, because their readers want to look just like that, and maybe if they buy that top, they too will look good as the size 2 blogger. They are aspirational, they are what we want our bodies to look like, and it's how we want clothes to look on us. They are re-pinned, re-grammed, and re-tweeted. Companies want to work with them, readers want to be them.

On the other hand, you have the plus-sized community. They have a term, they have hashtags, they have whole clothing lines. There's a true sense of community and support, something that those without a label or a hashtag don't have. There are articles written about them, they get magazine covers, and the girls who are also plus sized identify with them.

And then you have the inbetweeners. We're average sized. We may struggle a bit more in finding clothes to look the way we want because they aren't always cut for shoulders/mid section/thighs. We are neither truly aspirational, nor have a set community that we are a part of. We just...exist.

I'm asked quite a bit about how I find confidence about feeling good about myself. And honestly, maybe I'm just good at pretending on the internet. In every picture I see of myself, I immediately look to see how chubby I look in the picture. Are my cheeks looking especially round today? Does my small mouth emphasize my larger face? How broad and round do my shoulders look? It's exhausting, and it's relentless. The other day, my friend Lizzi left me a comment saying that we probably are all harder on ourselves than others are, and that's totally true. In pictures where I see my small eyes and large cheeks, you may see a happy person loving the best vacation they've ever been on. I see round arms, you may see a dress you wish you also owned. I see a thicker waist, you see someone having a good hair day. Who knows. What I fixate on is probably not what you see, but it's a hard habit to un-learn. So yeah, I guess I don't really ever talk about having body issues, but it definitely doesn't mean they don't exist.

To be honest with you, it is hard sometimes to put myself out there. Clothes just don't look as good on a size 10 girl as they do on a size 2 (or so we are told!) Add the fact that I'm also several inches taller than the average height, and it sometimes just makes me think "good enough" about clothes instead of "good". I have clothes that I need to get rid of because they don't fit me the way they should - keeping and wear them is doing a disservice to both myself, and people who read and recommend my blog.

So. Why am I telling you all this? Because I want to let you know that if you too are an in-betweener, and don't always know how to dress or aren't always happy with your body, you aren't alone. While most of us probably don't air our dirty self-conscious laundry on the internet on a daily basis, I'm sure we all have an issue or two about the way we look, but it shouldn't constantly limit what we do, love, and wear.

It's also to get my ass in a gear and stop feeling sorry for myself. I want to see a picture of an outfit I adore (for example, this layered look on Kimberly the other day), and instead of my first thought being "of course it looks great on her small body, it would look ridiculous on me", I want my thought to be "I can't wait to recreate this and make it work on me!". Because what is stopping me from trying out a nice look I love besides my own stupid insecurities? I want to wear a big comfy sweater, and not have my first thought be "but will this draw attention to my chubby face?" or try on some amazing above the knee boots and not think "but what about my thicker thighs?".

I've never campaigned to the be poster girl for the larger average sized girl, but somehow I have become the one that is recommended that way across the internet. And you know, I feel like I have a certain responsibility to show that you can dress nice when you aren't sample sized. It's something I've been working on for years, and still need to work on. I feel a responsibility to find better fitting clothes, to find a way to layer without adding bulk, to show that the average sized girl wearing her average mall clothes can still look nice for her average middle America life.

Not "nice, despite being large", just "nice".

a survey, a giveaway, and a thank you

via 

Three years ago today I started my blog. Like most people, I stared it on a whim - I took a picture with my computer, used a nickname my friend Lizzi gave me, and somehow here I am, three years later. Blogging has been such a blessing - it's kept me in touch with my family, I've met some of the coolest people, and it has given me the opportunity to do things I wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

blogging tips and tricks

I'm coming up on my three year blogging anniversary, and so I have a few things lined up for this month! First up is a post I've been working on for months - blogging tips. I'm emailed quite often about what tips I have for blogging, so I'm laying it all out here. I'm obviously not the world's biggest blogger, but I do alright for myself :) So! Below are my little tips and tricks I've learned throughout the years - what has worked for me, what hasn't, and why. I'd love to hear your tips, what you've learned from blogging, and what you've done that has helped your blog grow.

participation
This is #1. You have to get out there and mingle. People aren't just going to come to you out of thin air - you have to put yourself out there. Join link ups (a few I've done for years include Bri's Third Thursday Link up, What I Wore Wednesdays, and What I Wore to Work) and visit the other bloggers. Leave real comments (not a copy and paste comment) and if you enjoy their post, follow along and keep visiting. That is how I have found SO many of my favorite blogs, and if we had just left "cute blog!" comments on each others blogs, we would still be where we started. Joining link-ups is a great way to drive traffic to your blog from bloggers who are interested in the same things as you!

Another way to get involved is participate in a challenge. I did a few back when I was able to blog every day, and they were so much fun! Sarah is currently starting a new one, so if you are looking for a place to start, this style challenge is super easy and something any blogger can do. Visit the other bloggers participating and say hi!

(and don't forget to link back to the original link up - it's the polite thing to do!)

You can also always start your own link-ups or ways to get others involved in your blog. Every month at least 50 women link-up to my budget post. I love that more and more people are sharing their budgets, and that we have our little group that comes together monthly to share. If you're doing something unique to your blog, but think it's something others would enjoy doing, try hosting a link-up. Just don't be pushy about it - people will come if they want to! And if doesn't work out, that's okay too.

make friends

why I won't do a capsule collection

In the past year or so, a huge trend in blogging has been doing a capsule collection. For those of you who don't know what that means, you basically take a certain number of clothes (that you either already own or buy), and you wear that, and only that, for a certain amount of time. It's meant to teach you to buy less, live with less, and be more creative with what you already own. Awesome goals and in theory, totally makes sense.

I've had several people ask and email about why I haven't done a capsule collection, and my answer is...I don't want to? 

The long answer is this: I'm already limited in what I can wear every day. What I can wear now in school under a dress code, and starting in June when I'm on rotations, is restricted to business casual. I already don't wear a section of my closet, clothes I purchased and loved, because they aren't professional. That means when I do finally get to wear them, like when I go out with my friends or on a date with my boyfriend, I'm super excited to wear my lower cut tops, skinny jeans, or dresses I can't wear to school. So for me to restrict myself even more doesn't really make sense or really serve a purpose.

I think that's also why you don't see a lot of women who have clothing restrictions at work do capsule collections on blogs. It's already hard enough to be creative while being restrictive to work pants and pencil skirts, so cutting out a large part of the clothes you are already limited to... it's like triple as restrictive. It just isn't as easy (or frankly, interesting) as if you could just wear your jeans and sweaters and t-shirts and mix and match to make them work. Not to say it can't be done! Adina does it for her job, and MK does capsule/suitcase collections for business casual all the time. 

The thing is though, that the fundamental reason for a capsule collection is something that is really appealing. I'm clearly not a minimalist, and the urge to shop is something I have to fight with every day. But since I started blogging, I've been really working on defining my style, only buying things I love, buying less, and re-wearing what I own. It's fun to see the difference 2 years makes - look at this past month's budget compared to 2 years ago. The pieces I bought are cohesive, they make sense for my closet, and they are things I'll wear for years because they are timeless. Sure, it's not a 30x30 that makes me re-evaluate everything in 30 days, or a 37 piece capsule collection that I go on a shopping spree for beforehand, but it's like a real life learning experience about knowing yourself. Could I buy less? Absolutely. But I do think I'm a smarter shopper and lover of clothes than I was 2 years ago. Not as quick of a fix, but it worked for me. 

In addition, I'm already wearing certain things over and over and over again. I wear the same black pants, maroon scarf, tan cardigan, striped shirt, black boots ALL THE TIME. To the point where I look at recent posts and say "shit, I've posted that same maroon scarf 4 out of 6 times...yikes". So I'm already rewearing a lot of things I own, but because I love them, not because I don't have a choice otherwise. 

So in closing, I will not being doing a capsule collection now, or probably any time in the future (but never say never!). What I am doing is trying to build a working wardrobe, both by buying new versatile pieces, and by sorting through the things I already own. That is actually a huge thing for me right now because I'm moving at the end of May, and moving in with my boyfriend. I only want to bring things into our home that I love and need, and that's my own personal idea of minimalism / capsules / and loving what you already own.

Dress: Target [very similar]

Coat: Banana Republic [similar]

Scarf: Target [exact in stores | similar online]

Tights: Target [exact]*

Boots: Vince Camuto [exact]

Watch: c/o Shopbop [similar styles]

Purse: Kate Spade [similar]

* I suggest sizing down - these are in small! But so so warm :)

putting your best internet foot forward: how far is too far?

I've been doing this blogging thing for close to three years, and so I understand many of the temptations for bloggers. Being a part of a lot of group giveaways will get you heaps of social media follows. Wearing "just for the blog" outfits means you can get more creative with your clothes since you don't actually have to wear them all day. Buying instagram followers or facebook likes means companies will be more willing to work you because of your "reach". Editing your pictures to make yourself skinnier gets you pinned more, so a little tweak here and there isn't bad, right?

what I should have done differently

I loved this outfit the day I wore it - my pants were newly pressed, the snow was melting so I didn't have to wear boots (#hussyankles), and I got so many compliments on my new scarf (rightfully so...). Then after looking at these pictures I really thought I should have worn a blazer or more layers or something - this is kind of a boring outfit, huh? Nothing really special about it other than I liked wearing it. 

But here we are, looking at it on the internet anyway. I fight with myself a lot when it comes to picking out my outfits, and then uploading the pictures to share with you guys. I want to look nice and have it be interesting, but I also don't want to be fake, or just wear something because of the blog. I know a lot of us "every day women" bloggers struggle with that - dressing up enough to have it be worth sharing, but not dressing "for the blog". Do I think I may have been a bit lazy with this outfit? Sure - I could have layered a bit more, worn some bright lipstick, maybe tried to tame the frizz or made sure my shirt was properly tucked in (whoops!), but in the end, this blog is still a learning experience for me, my body, and my closet. 

Things I do know though? That this scarf is amazing and as soon as it stops being a BR Pick, everyone should buy it so we can all be twins. You'll love it, I promise.

Tee: Ann Taylor

Pants: The Limited [exact]

Scarf: Banana Republic [exact]

Shoes: J.Crew Factory [exact on sale]

Bag: Kate Spade [similar]

P.S. Shopbop is currently having a 20% off sale items (use code EXTRASALE)*

one: pretty crossbody bags in a variety of colors and styles

two: necklaces that tie your whole outfit together

three: you'll always know what time it is because you'll never take these watches off

four: give yourself something to look forward to for spring (only 5 months away!)

*Disclosure: I receive a monthly credit to Shopbop but as always, my opinions are all my own.

ask me anything: life + blogging

This edition of Ask Me Anything covers life and blogging. I got a bit gabby, so if you don't want to listen to all 30 minutes, the questions and times are listed below. My dad even makes a surprise appearance!

0:35: What's the deal with your relationship? How'd you meet, how long have you been together, tell us the good stuff! He's really cute.

1:40: I know you have a new man in your life, but do you ever miss past relationships?

2:17: What's the best thing another blogger has taught you? And/or what one thing from medical school makes you a better blogger?

4:12: You're stranded somewhere remote, all on your own. What's the one piece of clothing/book/food you couldn't live without?

4:35: You always have great hair. How do you convince yourself to get out of bed early to do your hair and makeup? I have good intentions, but usually show up for work with meh hair and maybe some mascara slapped on.

6:24: I love that you manage time between med school and blogging AND living a good life ... My question is that how do u make time or more importantly how do u manage time with everything? Schedules, to do lists?

7:09: Which other style blogs do you most relate to?

7:50: What has been your best blogging resource to help grow your blog to the big 2-mil?

8:42: How do you create that balance between talking fashion and yet sharing a bit about your life? How do you decide what is worth sharing? I never know what to say in my posts because I don't do anything all that interesting!

10:27: I noticed on your IG that you have been hash tagging "cheat days." is this a diet/health plan?
      (post about my experiences with the 4 hour body here)

12:08: What does it really take to start a blog? I just can't seem to find my niche and am totally discouraged because I have no followers, and not into asking friends to follow because I don't think they'll "get it". I am shy about letting people who know me read my stuff, but I want to be part of the blogger community. Any suggestions?

14:05: I first found your blog through GOMI (in the SOMI forum!) and you quickly became one of my favourite reads. I know you participate over there and you seem to have a really great attitude towards blogging. I wondered if you ever get any tension from other bloggers over your open participation in and liking for GOMI given all the 'fat, jealous, haters', narrative about GOMI we see on some other blogs?

17:00: I am a German girl living in Boston, and love your blog and your style! Please tell us more about your family life, how you all stay in touch, trips to Germany, and so forth. Are there any quirky family traditions you guys do, anything funny/weird?

19:07: How do you deal with negative blog or social media comments?

20:30: What's the best place you have ever been to?

21:00: Does your friend Lizzi actually pull off wearing lululemon Wunder Under crops as pants? I'm skeptical...

21:14: What are your favorite self-care practices for when you are really stressed out? You are in medical school, after all.

22:22: What does your family think of your blog?

23:19: Where does most of your fashion inspiration come from?

23:50: How much time do you spend you reading other blogs? How much time do you spend on your own blog?

25:11: What's your favorite kind of beer?

25:37: I've always been the type of person who has hated her body and has been on a diet since she was 5. You seem to really love and embrace your body. Have you always been like that or is that something you have had to work towards?

26:53: Do you want kids in the future?

27:04: How many siblings do you have and how old are they?

27:35: What are your favorite tv shows?

28:08: How did you initially grow a following on your blog? Tips/methods to share?


P.S. My shirt is from Loft (currently 40% off), my watch is c/o Daniel Wellington (use code holiday_franish for 15% off!), my nails are Essie, and my earrings are from eBay.